Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
