after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
