You just made me feel so damn special
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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