my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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