Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
