Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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