drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
