More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
