drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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