I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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