Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
