I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
