Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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