I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
