Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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