I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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