so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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