So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
