The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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