According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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