I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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