you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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