She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
