I think my fart just growled at me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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