My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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