My room smells like vodka and shame
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
