You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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