i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
