She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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