I am in a vortex of obligation.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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