I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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