i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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