You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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