Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
