You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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