I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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