My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
