Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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