Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
