I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
