My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you had me at cake vodka
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
