3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
love makes seman taste better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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