I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
