Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
