did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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