please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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