What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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