I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
