If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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