Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
