my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
