So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
