after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
