So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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