Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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