no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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