Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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