we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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