Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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