I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
