why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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