and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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