Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
