He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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