Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
