It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
