I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
