Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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