Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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