That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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