either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
