I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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