do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
