hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
