Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
