Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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